…this is an introspective look on being my own worst enemy and tactics on how to over come it. something i feel many online business builders, and project creators could easily relate to. it’s probably the most re-occuring “issue” i continue to have as i develop.

*this is all based on not having urgent tasks, bodily needs or requirements present while “at work”.

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push through, flesh it out, get it out there. just do it. procrastination. it’ll be there tomorrow. i’m hungry.

those are the things i’m thinking right now as i sit here stuck staring, literally staring from screen to screen for something mildly entertaining enough to pull my attention.

what i’d like, what i WANT is to update and build out my business services page. i want to unravel more services that i can provide and create the on-boarding forms and announce them to the world. i want to grow. i want to get inspired and create new products…but instead i stare at my print out of the page i want to rework with some scribbled notes, and i look back at my monitors for distraction. it’s not so poignant as to force me to realize i’m avoiding action, it’s just a numbing vague sense that i don’t have to do what really should get done if i scan around long enough.

it’s infuriating when the realization does sets in.

why is it so hard sometimes to do that which we should be doing?

there’s little else in my way at the moment, which is better than most days. i’m mildly enticed by doing some other less important reading, or writing, checking out what other people are into and posting about. what are my peers, friends, and the world “up to” right now. is it something i can use?

i recognize those things aren’t important though so i don’t do them either, i just sit here, in an in-between state, hoping something lights me up and pushes me forward.

i see the mounds of piled information i have organized to be used or re-purposed for my next awesome idea, still more enticement to write something, or save information for some specific purpose instead of holding tanks for a unknown “could be useful” purpose.

i’m doing a lot of waiting for things to happen instead of making things happen. i’m my own worst enemy, and the worst part is the indifference i have about it. the non-action because, no one else will notice, or care, or depends on this.

what an interesting trap.

is this the loneliness of an solo entrepreneur or someone with too many ideas and self created projects?

i’ve even invented a process to unhook myself and get focused. i look at the powerful steps i’ve scanned in from written note cards, and think, those are great ideas. the words hit a lead wall, and slump away without any impact on actions.

 

it’s a cascade, if you want the business adventure and success you’re looking for, you need to finish these pages of text, and groupings of images, and forms, and payment processes, so you can then announce it, promote it, tell your list about it, or finally have a reason to make a list of people to tell about it.

if you don’t get these things presentable, you’re not doing the stuff that really matters, you’re just maintaining status quo.

the status quo isn’t so bad, when it’s not so infuriating i guess.

i love my current projects and clients, but i’m up to date on them at the moment. inbox zero and all that. then why the frustration? maybe because there are ideas left undone, projects half built? that’s part of it. no growth.

there’s a mental barricade that it’s in my way, and i put it there. i can also remove it.

how to stop being my worst enemy?

i can choose to take a break, not physically, (as i’m obviously not making progress right now) but mentally i can stop thinking about these things, take a real break. come back later. immerse myself in something so clarity of mind comes.

i can stop pretending there’s something stopping me and actually start doing that which should be done. this would be letting those words that hit the led wall take effect.

i can simply start anywhere, because it’s leads elsewhere. it’s apparent you (self) don’t want to be “here” thinking about frustration and being your own worst enemy. so choosing anything in the most remote direction of what you want to accomplish, will lead you elsewhere, which has the potential to be forward, or better.

ask for help, start a conversation. start by vulnerably saying i’ve been trying to get this thing done, and i’m failing at it right now, and it’s totally messing me up. see what the conversation does for you.

you can freeze your physical and mental state in your minds eye. now come “out of” youself and look down from above and slightly to the left. identify what things are impacting you. your environment, are you hungry? are you angry at people? are you scared of something? what systems are working against you and can you identify one by one and fix? how can you break apart your problem into tiny pieces and deal with them one at a time? address them, make requests, make promises.

sometimes defeating ourselves, overcoming ourselves as our enemy, leads us to success. it may be a daily battle, a quarterly one, or just a slump.

keep on keeping on.

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